


Life Needs Instructions

by CorbynLee



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Awkward Dates, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Fear, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Gay Panic, Homophobia, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mild Smut, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Secret Relationship, Self-Hatred, Study Date, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:21:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22554757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorbynLee/pseuds/CorbynLee
Summary: Kaoru always thought the world felt slow, the people were slow the events were slow, everything was slow. but he liked it that way, he liked that a moment could last for what felt like hours, it made it easier to look at life. the way things happened. sometimes things were fast, so fast. he hated when things were fast.Hikaru was quick to lose his temper, Kaoru knew that. That's why he was quick to hide any and all emotions or thoughts that may upset his brother. That meant he couldn't tell Hikaru about the secret that was slowly getting more difficult to bear, but what Hikaru doesn't know wouldn't hurt him, would it?Kaoru and Kyoya were good at hiding their growing relationship, but how long before the inevitable? Could they really hide this forever, maybe not, but they sure as hell could try.
Relationships: Fujioka Haruhi & Hitachiin Kaoru, Fujioka Haruhi/Hitachiin Hikaru, Fujioka Haruhi/Suoh Tamaki, Hitachiin Hikaru & Hitachiin Kaoru, Hitachiin Kaoru/Ootori Kyouya, Ootori Kyouya & Suoh Tamaki
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42
Collections: Ouran High School Host Club





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, so this is my first real fanfiction so please give plenty of constructive criticism! I got this idea after watching some movie when I was sick, I'm sorry but I can't remember the title. I have spent weeks planning this story and decided that I wanted to share it with the internet! I know that it's unlikely anyone with actually find this since the ohshc fandom is dying down but I hope if anyone reads this they will stick around to the end and enjoy it :)
> 
> (btw this isn't trans-Kaoru or gender questioning)

Kaoru sat drawing the tips of his bangs to his nose, his hair was getting longer, it was strange. it felt right, his hair being long and masking his face. in a few hours, he and Hikaru were scheduled to get their hair trimmed, but if he was being honest, he was frustrated. he wanted it to stay long and flowy, he smiled thinking about how it would look if it was just a slight bit longer. what it would look like if he put it in a ponytail, that was something he had craved to do for a while, but it was never long enough, plus he was worried how his friends and family would react. he was worried about how Hikaru would react. 

Hikaru had always made his views... known. he believed that all boys who had long hair were gay, that was something he didn't vocalize about a lot. he didn't go on rants about 'how there was a reason God conceived men and women, and that he didn't make them both so guys could like guys and girls could like girls'. but he didn't ever seem completely fond of the idea. the more Kaoru speculated about it the more absurd it sounded for Hikaru to actually freak out over him keeping his hair long. still, his suspicions didn't prevent him from yearning he could proceed to grow it out, which he could if he truly desired to, but Hikaru's response may be. undesirable.

grievously he was ripped from his fantasy by his twin who was rapping on his shoulder, "Kaoru?" he murmured. Kaoru perched up a little straighter letting go of his hair, indicating to Hikaru he was listening. "I was just saying how you are going to look so cute when we get our hair cut later today." Kaoru pouted, right. Hikaru put his thumb on Kaoru's cheek then stroked it gently. Kaoru tried his best not to expose the discomfort caused by his brother's actions. he knew if Hikaru knew the truth it would also make him incredibly uncomfortable, so didn't say anything, he would never say anything. there is no way he could ever tell Hikaru the truth.

a few girls squealed as they observed the two, and that's primarily the way the last twenty minutes of club went. Hikaru declaring something subtle and sweet, Kaoru occasionally saying something in acknowledgment, then attempting not to wince at the amorous displays of affection. when the club finished, they cleaned the club quarters and said adieu to the ladies.

As Kaoru swept the crumbs that some of the girls produced, he thought about Kyoya, he thought about how he continuously caught himself staring at the older boy as he monitored the hosts and worked on his laptop. how his hair caught the light and how he'd slip his glasses back up his nose after they slid off when he looked down to write. But of course each time he caught himself staring for just a bit too long, he would draw his focus back to Hikaru. All of the hosts joked and made small conversation as they waited for their rides. So soon enough everyone disappeared as their respective rides arrived.

The ride home went as it regularly does, laughing at trivial things the other said, and addressing the parts of the day that they didn't spend together. But Kaoru kept losing focus, he would reminisce about how much he adored having his hair long, he would think about Kyoya, how watching at him made Kaoru feel. At some point, he had simply stopped listening to Hikaru, who was going on about how Haruhi smiled when he told a joke. Kaoru just gaped out the window tiredly until he saw the gates of their estate.

When they pulled up to the main dwelling Kaoru hurriedly got out and grasped his bag. Hikaru followed a bit further behind. He walked to the door then froze when he noticed his younger sister, Ageha, and his mother playing on the lawn. he smiled as Ageha waved at him, then waved in return. She toddled toward him and hugged his leg, "you're home!" she exclaimed, though it came out more as 'yaw ome!' he nodded and lifted her up. she beamed then clung to his neck, he let out a tiny giggle then kissed the crown of her head. she laughed and pointed to their mom who was holding a toy landscaping spade, "she wanted to plant a garden her self," yuzeha stated grinning. Kaoru glanced at the small patch they had cleared for the potted perennials resting behind their mother.

a few butterflies fluttered by grabbing ageha's attention, she shifted to view them and commenced to make grabby hands at them. Kaoru tousled her hair and placed her down so she could run after them. he waved to his mother and trudged up the front treads where his brother was waiting for him.

When the twins reached the inside of their residence Kaoru proceeded upstairs to their bedroom, he crumpled onto him and Hikaru's shared bed and began to read the novel he had been working on among his classes. it was about a blind girl who was gradually falling in love with a woman she had only noticed once before losing her vision. Kaoru had found himself slipping into deep admiration with the book, he had never undergone these sorts of passions towards a book. perhaps it was because of how much he correlated to the woman. how he also felt like he was falling for the one person in the entire universe that had absolutely no reason to love him back.

Hikaru went into the bathroom that fed off of the twin's room to shower, Kaoru could hear him turn on the faucet then the curtain being pulled open and closed shortly after, they were told to take a shower that day so it was clean when they got their hair cut. Kaoru had made the decision to shower that morning so he wouldn't need to do it after school. He understood he wouldn't have long to read till Hikaru got out, Kaoru was horrified to read this book around his brother from the panic of being bashed because of it.

He was got to read his book for a good twenty minutes before catching the shower switch off. he was nearly finished with the novel, the main character had just declared her love and is now in a secluded affair with the woman. Kaoru put it away slightly irritated with the timing when Hikaru came out of the restroom. he came out with only a towel wrapped around his waist and had left the bathroom door open, therefore allowing warm steam fill the room. Kaoru recoiled as the air stuck to his skin causing him to feel clammy and sticky. 

Hikaru spanned the room and kneeled in face of his dresser, he scoured around in the disordered drawers for a moment then drew out a pair of boxers. he slipped them on somehow without releasing the towel. he discarded the towel tossing it off someplace, then went toward the closet to find a suitable outfit for the outing. he came out with a sleeveless cerulean sweatshirt and a pair of black sweatpants. he span around to display the outfit to Kaoru. the younger twin applauded, "very nice." he teased. 

Hikaru grimaced and shoved Kaoru to the side, "seriously, does it look ok?" Hikaru spoke lying down next to his brother. Kaoru rolled his eyes giving a reassuring laugh, "you look fine, besides its just a trip to the hair dresser's," Hikaru grinned "thanks, but you should probably change," he said gesticulating to Kaoru's uniform. Kaoru pressed his face into the pillow, "yah your right!" he grumbled somewhat annoyed. 

Kaoru sighed and, stood up. he drug himself inside the closet. he rummaged around for a few minutes before he plucked out an outfit, a sleeveless ivory-colored shirt, a black tank top, and some worn blue nearly white jeans. he chose to undress in the bathroom, so he left the closet. "whatcha doing?" Hikaru questioned as Kaoru crossed the room to grab the forgotten towel. "cleaning up after my swine of a brother." he replied without delay. he went to the other side of the room to the bathroom. Hikaru frowned as Kaoru locked the door behind him.

Kaoru's eyes fell to his brothers abandoned uniform, "what the hell is it that hard to put clothes in the hamper before you leave a room?!" he muttered angerly. he slung the uniform atop the towel covering his arm and placed them both in the bin situated beneath the sink. Kaoru sighed tugging his blazer buttons undone, he dismissed the jacket and put it in the bin. he stared dully in the mirror as he unbuttoned his white undershirt. He shook his head and looked away from the mirror, continuing to undress.

Kaoru pulled on the tank top, then sweatshirt after adjusting them to fit without looking unpleasant in one way or another. He took the jeans and yanked them up trying his best not to look at how skinny his legs were. 

He studied himself in the mirror, the outfit looked good enough, but his eyes strayed back up to his hair. It was a wreck, he clutched his hairbrush from the drawer and swept through the mess, cowering through every tangled he seized. He ran his fingers through it, pulling his now straight locks backward. However, Kaoru was slightly shocked when all of the hair collected at the back of his head without scattering back to the front. His eyes widened, sure it was at the brink of springing forward but he was surprised, he assumed the closest he could get to a ponytail was pulling it into a weird broccoli-like sprout on the top of his head.

Kaoru gnawed at the inside of his lip as he pushed around the contents of the drawers praying to find a hair tie, ribbon something that may work. He wasn't surprised when he found none but was mildly disappointed. He paced around for a moment thinking of what he could do next, he could go to his parent's room his mother was bound to have something. Sure her hair wasn't long enough for any of it but ageha's was.

Kaoru dropped his hand then unlocked the door and left the bathroom, Hikaru tilted his head as Kaoru rushed out without even closing the bathroom door. "hey what's the hurry?" Hikaru questioned as Kaoru passed the bed. he stopped and fiddled with his fingers, "I'm just going to ask mom a question." he mumbled. Kaoru then left the room closing the door without looking back. he could hear ageha playing in her bedroom as soon as the door shut. it was obvious she and their mother were back inside. he debated whether or not he should continue. Kaoru wanted to carry on with the experiment, but he really didn't want to deal with the embarrassment that came along with it.

Kaoru thought for a moment and chose to carry on then crossed the hall. he knocked on his parent's door, he knew his dad wasn't home so only his mom would see him. Still, he hoped that she was off doing something else and he could just slip in and out, but sure enough, she answered. She peered at him for a while "Kaoru?" she spoke unquestionably noticing the nervous vehemence dripping from his frame. Kaoru tried to speak but he could feel his throat closing up. He persisted for a moment more before he pushed past her into his parent's quarters, "hey Kaoru-?!" she screamed as he ran to her private bathroom. 

He closed the door then hurriedly moved to the counter, he didn't need to search long before detecting a multicolored hair tie, it was probably one of ageha's. He grabbed it then looked back up at his hair, he understood he didn't have long before his mother forced her way in so he took a deep breath and drew his hair back again. He bound it back into a ponytail that convened slightly higher than the center of the back of his head, then pushed his bangs to the left-hand side of his face. Toward the bottom, it was somewhat too short to stay put and settled back down.

"Woah," he uttered gawking at his reflection. He covered his mouth hiding the smile that was gradually expanding across his face. But soon enough his mother burst into the bathroom, "what do you think your d-," she halted as Kaoru span round to face her, his smile withered and he gazed at his feet. He froze trying his best not to guess what his mom was going to say. yuzeha stared at her son for a moment. "oh," she stated gazing at his hair.

"you know," she said guiding him back to the mirror. He watched her pick up a comb from the counter, "it'll look better if you do this," she whispered drawing his hair down. Kaoru felt his heart clench as it settled back into its traditional style, she gave him a reassuring smile then combed it until it was even and neat. She brushed the top half upward and arranged it then made sure his bangs were separated from the majority of his hair. She examined it for a moment and tied up it up in the back. Kaoru peeked the revised hairstyle, yuzeha stretched over his shoulder and took a bobby pin from the untidy counter to fasten his bangs to the side of his head.

"there!" she said. Kaoru gave a toothy grin, "thanks mom," he murmured. They sat for a moment admiring her work, "Kaoru?" yuzeha said placing her hands on his shoulders. He looked at his hands and began twirling his thumbs. "hmm?" he hummed in acknowledgment. She turned him toward her and took a deep breath. "why didn't you just ask me to help you with your hair?" Kaoru shrugged, "d'know...I wanted to do it myself I guess," 

She shook her head, "then why didn't you ask for a hair tie?" Kaoru knew he was hindered. He sighed and looked up still avoiding linear eye contact, "I guess I just didn't want to tell you, I thought you may get mad or laugh at me. I don't I was just...scared." he stammered. He wasn't sure how she was going to respond, finally, he looked her in the eyes. She looked, worried? He couldn't determine what she was thinking. 

He was about to declare something before he noticed his mother impelling towards him. She opened her arms and drew Kaoru to her chest. He endured stiffly for a bit before returning the hug, he shut his eyes and started to feel the tears commencing to sting the backs of his eyelids, was it really ok? Was there really no problem with him aspiring to keep his hair long, and learning to do this kind of stuff with his mom? He wasn't certain but it appeared that way, she was ok with it. Kaoru knew there was no reason to be surprised, yuzeha had never seemed to have a problem with the way people chose to dress or act, but it was nice to have that reassurance. 

yuzeha pulled away gradually, Kaoru mimicked her and flickered away the tears that had been threatening to drop. He let his mother direct him back to the bedroom, "are you going to keep your hair longer?" she inquired. Kaoru shook his head and relaxed on his parent's bed, "Hikaru will get mad, and I really don't wanna have to deal with that." yuzeha gave him a perplexed expression. "how do you know he'll get mad?" Kaoru pouted. "I just do,"

He paused then detected footsteps. The door wielded open to expose Hikaru, "Kaoru! oh- there you are I've been looking all over for you," he said looking up from his cell phone. He ceased when he saw the younger twin's hair, "oh my god I can't believe you let mom do that to you!" he said covering his mouth to stifle the oncoming wave of laughter. Kaoru grimaced then looked at his mother, she looked like she may begin to speak but Hikaru spoke up again. "you should probably take it down before we go, you don't want to go out in public looking like that" Hikaru said still a little giggly.

Kaoru bit his lip and pulled at the hairpins, "ya your right, it's so stupid looking." Kaoru muttered faking a laugh. He attempted not to let the emotion display as he ripped the hair tie out, he ran his fingers through his hair until there was no trace that it was ever up. Yuzeha frowned watching her son take down his hair, "Kaoru," she mumbled hints of disappointment in her voice. "sorry mom, it's just not my style," Kaoru spoke through his forced smile. she grabbed his wrist as he rose, then pulled him close enough that Hikaru wouldn't be able to hear. "you don't have to force yourself to be unhappy just so your brother doesn't like something." she rustled.

Kaoru lowered as he pulled away, he really wanted to believe her, but he knew if he made Hikaru angry he would feel even worse. Kaoru looked to his brother then trailed behind him out of the room. Kaoru sealed the door softly after him and began to walk alongside his brother, "so, what was that about?" Hikaru asked looking over him. Kaoru gazed at his hands, "what do you mean?" he grumbled. Hikaru raised a brow, "when mom grabbed you, what was she saying?" Kaoru shrugged, "just that I should help her start planning outfits for the party," he lied.

Hikaru rolled his eyes and opened their bedroom door, "that's boring." he groaned as he fell onto the bed. He fumbled with his hair for a moment before he rolled over to his side to face Kaoru. "I can't wait to chop this crap off," he stated smiling. "what about you?" he added as Kaoru sat. "it's not that bad, I mean I kinda like it," the younger twin admitted unintentionally. Kaoru immediately repented it noticing Hikaru beginning to frown. "what do you mean you like it?" he responded annoyed. 

Kaoru bit his lip and began to shake his hands around, "that's not what I meant!" Hikaru sat up. "then what did you mean?!" he yelled aggressively. Kaoru began to claw at his arms striving to form a sentence. "i-i just mean that, um I don't really mind it!" he said trying to fix whatever mess he had just created. Hikaru's expression didn't change, "Then why don't you just keep it that way if you like it so much!"

Kaoru shook his head frantically trying to get Hikaru to calm down, "stop freaking out it's not like that!" Hikaru stood up, "Why are you yelling at me?!" he shouted. Kaoru shrunk back, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to!" he looked away from Hikaru. Hikaru began to stomp off, "your not sorry!" he screamed slamming the door behind him as he left.

Kaoru shoved his hands into his face, 'why couldn't I just agree, he wouldn't have lost his temper if I just said I wanted to cut my hair!' he thought, allowing his fingers curl through his hair.


	2. update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of an explanation.

Alright, just know I swear I would never give up on this story, I have loved writing it. The reason that I haven't updated is basically, my computer broke and when I got back into it, my Doc with NINE FUCKING CHAPTERS was deleted. I'm still really fucking mad about it and rewriting has been super hard just having to completely start over on something I have spent months on is really really hard. I hope that everyone understands and I hope that you all stick around. :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware that they are slightly out of character but let's just ignore that for now. Just know that Hikaru's extreme temper is based on my own sibling's temper, I know Hikaru doesn't have this bad of a temper but it felt right for the story. 
> 
> I listen to music while I write and strongly believe what I listen to can be seen in certain parts of my writing so expect this at the end of each chapter.
> 
> songs I listened to:  
> Last of The Real Ones- Fallout Boy  
> Church- Fallout Boy  
> Better Than Me- The Brobecks  
> July- Noah Cyrus


End file.
